Not Okay.

Today I went to Walmart to do some grocery shopping. When I got back out to the parking lot, there was a note wedged into my door that said:

Every Soul born into this world is destined for the eternal lake of fire. We must be converted from this carnal world into the Spirit world with God.

[citations for several bible verses]

Jesus' word = God's speach [sic] = Gospel.

On the back, it said:

Does your church encourage Sodomy? the most loathsome, filthy sin a human can do. what ever happened to teaching good hygiene? they get aids, hepatitis, polio and more from doing such filth. Only a devil encourages such filth. When I am busy doing God's will, I can not e sinning. By works faith is made perfect. Jesus saw there [sic] faith, then he forgave and healed them. Sin is not doing God's will. Jesus said, strive to enter in Labor for the filling of the Spirit.

[more citations to the bible]

I was enraged. I sat in my car and screamed quietly. I threw the note on the floor of my car, picked it up and glanced at it again, and was very near crying. And then I shouted to the Walmart parking lot.
If the person who left this note on my car is still in my parking lot, I want you to know, this is NOT okay. It is not okay to attack and condemn someone you don't even know. It is not okay to tell me I'm going to hell for sins you assume I've committed.

I think the rant went on longer than that, but people were staring and my voice was shaking because I was about to cry, but I wanted anyone else who got a note like that to know that I supported them, and I wanted the author of the note to know that they hadn't done good works by leaving that note--they only caused pain.

I wish the person had still been there and had come up to me and talked to me. I would like to have told them that if they really wanted to "save" someone by converting them, they should get to know those people and treat them with love and respect, not leave an anonymous note. I also wanted to tell them that their assumption that they were doing good works and I was only evil was wrong.

Tomorrow at 11:15, I'm giving blood. I'm not doing that because I feel like God told me to. I'm doing it because I think it's the right and good thing to do, to give what I can (my blood) to help someone.

Still September

So, I'm averaging about one post per month right now, because I still suck at blogging.  But roomie 6 (you know the one now in the room formerly belonging to roomie 4) and I have started a new blog, which actually has one update per day from EACH OF US, even if it's not actually updated daily--wordpress is silly and gives us the option of changing the date that we post things, so we occasionally back-date posts as we write them.  But yeah, it actually gets updated regularly.
The blog concept is that we write about one awesome thing we do each day, together or individually.  It can be found at damnwereawesome.wordpress.com.  Pretty awesome, right?  And I've actually been better than her at updating recently, so there's something awesome I've done every day since September 5 or so.  None of the negativity of my personal blog.  It's actually kind of nice, because it forces me to find something to be happy about, even if it's small relative to whatever crap the day has thrown at me.

End of Summer Post

Finished my summer class a long time ago.  It was incredibly easy.  Waste of $1900.  Frustrating.  But it's done and I have the credits for it (and it's a required class, so I needed to take it eventually anyway) and it boosted my GPA a tiny tiny bit.

I've been working on housing things all summer.  I set the schedule for our organization for training.  That all starts next week.  It's stressful, but I'm still happy with it, for the most part.

I don't even know what to say.  So few people have been around this summer, it's been... special.  I really want to be around people (because on my own I end up in "thinking" moods, which is to say "dwelling"), but I've literally seen the same 5 people plus my advisers all summer and that's about it.  They're great.  We've had fun.  But there have been a few times when I've just really needed time away from them.

My summer roommate situation was... interesting.  She couldn't clean to save her life.  I got to step up and be the clean roommate, which is unusual for me.  But it'll make me appreciate Roomie 6 all the more (because she's also shared a living space with my summer roomie in the past).

Basically, everything this summer has been alternately great and stressful.  Hopefully it gets better soon.

Summertime.

Posting once every month and a half is often enough to get people to keep reading, right?  Of course it is.  Considering the size of my readership in the first place.

Since my last post, I've made my visit home and to see my niece.  She was still adequately small, and she was sweet most of the time.  I started trying to teach her the call-and-response "Boomer Sooner!" but I'm not sure if she's really got the hang of it yet.  I'm considering stopping in Iowa again when I go home in July.  I was there for her first tornado warning, May 22.  Exactly a month ago.  Also, the same day as the Minneapolis and Joplin tornadoes.

Two of my friends were in Joplin when the tornado hit.  M moved into his apartment the Saturday, with the help of his girlfriend, S.  They had unpacked Saturday and spent Sunday afternoon enjoying the fair, sunny weather.  He tweeted at me, inviting me to stop by his place if I ever wanted to split up the trip from home to Oklahoma or vice versa--he had an extra room in his apartment.  They grilled burgers.  Within a few hours of all that, the apartment was gone.  They had had their choice of two closets and apparently chose the right one, because the other wasn't there after the tornado hit.  His second floor apartment was collapsed and the apartment previously above it was completely missing.  Fortunately, both M and S were completely unharmed.  S's car even started (and the radio and heater worked and everything), though the windows had been blown out; it was enough to get them to a gas station outside of city limits so that M's family could pick them up and bring them home.  M's internship was still there for him and the company helped him find a new apartment, on the Oklahoma side of the border.  I've seen them both since and they seem to be doing alright.

But it really does make you question what you're doing with life.  All those opportunities to do or say things that could be your last chance.  You never really know.  Of course, that kind of thinking is a lot easier to express in theoretical words than actual actions.

We left for NACURH that Thursday.  S was with us, and sure enough, the bus took I-44.  Apparently she hadn't realized our route would take us right past Joplin, but she had friends their to comfort her and still enjoyed most of the conference.  I also got to enjoy more of the conference than I expected; boardroom at national conferences is apparently not a high commitment for presidents, only NCCs.  But I got to start playing the role of president, and it was a good learning experience.

Some of our conference delegates decided they'd like to host a conference in the future.  They want to do a national one.  I don't want to tell them I think it's impossible, but basically, it would be impossible.  I encouraged them to consider a regional conference instead, but their minds are set on "go big or go home," so I'm letting them present the idea to the exec team.  I've explained all my reservations to them, and warned that I'll explain those same reservations to the exec team when the idea is being discussed.

I started my summer class last Monday.  It's only four weeks long, so we've already had our first midterm (which I got 100% on, after arguing a few points back).  The class is "Elements of Statistics" (for econ and business majors), and I can't imagine what it would be like spread out over a full semester.  I haven't been this utterly bored by the actual material of a class since high school.  I guess they don't really expect people who have taken Calc 4 and Diff. Eq. to be in this class...

I've also started looking at my grad school options.  I'm looking for a master's in higher education with an emphasis/specialization/whatever in Student Affairs.  My list currently has about 20 schools, with the basic information listed in a spreadsheet.  I'm hoping to trim it down, make a few visits over OU-saxeT weekend and/or winter break.  Maybe even one or two over summer, if I can find the time.  The schools themselves are all over the place:  Washington (state), Rhode Island, Missouri, Colorado, South Carolina, etc.  But with any luck, I'll be able to trim it down, figure out which are most selective or more reasonable, determine how hard it will be to get a graduate assistantship I like, and then wow people in interviews; no big.  I have about six months to fill out applications.  Eesh.  It will be a busy semester.  Even though I'll probably only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Huzzah.

I spent most of tonight reading cheesy letters of unrequited love online, eating cookie dough, and crying.  But now I really ought to study for my (daily) quiz in statistics.  Not that I need to study.  Studying is for people who don't already get it (or something).

Relief or something like it

The mono is mostly gone now.  It never hit too hard--I got a little extra sleep for a couple weeks and had a ginormous lymph node, but it never really debilitated me.  My life is pathetic enough that I can pinpoint the date that I contracted it (and in the long run, I gotta say, not worth it).  I can also pinpoint an occasion when I'm a bit shocked I didn't pass it on, but... some people are just lucky I guess.  It also cut down my appetite a bit, so I'm pretty sure I lost a few pounds, which I'm definitely not complaining about.

I turn 21 in just a couple days.  I've got my barhopping planned, and it works conveniently around my finals schedule.  I have mixed feelings about the whole "being older" thing, but mostly those are related to me being emo (re: boys, if you couldn't guess).

I've got finals next week, which ought to be fun.  Actually, I've already completed one final, so I've got three to go.  The first is Tuesday afternoon and shouldn't be particularly difficult.  Then Wednesday 8 a.m. I've got Cloud Physics, which isn't super-difficult material, but will require actual studying.  And Thursday at 8 a.m. I have Atmospheric Dyanmics (die-namics), which I'm not particularly looking forward to.  In fact, I'm already past the point of trying to "pass" the class (I would need a C to take the next course in the series), but I'm actually planning on studying to get the D rather than the F, so my GPA doesn't have to take too much of a hit.  It will be a legitimate challenge, but I haven't given up entirely.

And then I get to take some time away, go home, go to Iowa to visit my niece.  I feel like I've already missed too much of that.  In the pictures, she's not tiny any more, and I'll never have another chance to see her that small.  Stupid college, keeping me away from things that matter.

And then I come back to Oklahoma so that I can ride a charter bus to Macomb, Illinois, for "Camp NACURH," a.k.a. super-turbo housing conference.  I'm looking forward to it, but I suspect I won't have as much fun as I have at past conference.  As President, I'll be stuck in the boardroom rather than in the programming sessions, so that's a different type of experience entirely.

Being President apparently also means I'm going to lose all my friends next year, if the advisers' and my predecessor's warnings are to be taken at--well, just above--face value.  So if I'm emo now, what am I going to be like when my friendships are weakened by stupid hierarchies of power?  I seriously questioned the other night whether it would be worth it.  In fact, I'm still questioning it.

So that's the scoop on my life over the last and next few months.  Wootwoot.

Stereo

Delightful.  Just delightful.  My body loves me and has excellent timing.  I laugh at it; it laughs at me.  It's like a game we play.

Tested positive for mono today.  I have a guess at where it might have come from, but I'm also concerned about having given it to my friends (we share drinks a lot).

Meanwhile reactions to it are... different.  The doctor said to stay away from people I like.  It spreads through shared mucus or saliva: most of the time, you're not going to give it to anyone with kissing or at least sharing food or a drink.  But there's also a tiny chance that you can spread it by coughing (but conveniently, my case has not actually manifested a cough), because of little spittle droplets and the like.  The doctor also said to get extra sleep.  Well, yeah, that would be nice.  But I can't really afford to.

My mother is convinced that I'm going to end up in the hospital and wants me to not go to class.  My advisers are trying to schedule additional meetings with me to make sure things are ready for the summer and next year and appointments.

I feel like I should have them email each other and fight this out.

Someone else

Apparently I haven't been myself lately and people are worried.

Last night, I came home from meetings (at about 11:30) to what I can only describe as an intervention (like from How I Met Your Mother, but without the banner).  Roomie 4 and the person titled "Car" from a previous blog post, both former METR majors and crazy northerners, apparently have decided that I appear absolutely miserable in meteorology.  Indeed, the abusive relationship we've all joked about has apparently gone too far this semester.  I've been stressed about a dynamics test, made a joke about pulling two all-nighters in a row, and people worried.

But apparently they aren't the only concerned ones.  Roomie 6 says I haven't been myself for the last week or so, but had trouble describing in what way.

So last night, instead of sitting around stressing about/studying for my dynamics test after all my meetings, I sat around and stressed about everything that could possibly be responsible for a change in attitude.

Class: Dynamics does have me miserable.  I don't pay as much attention as I should in class.  I fall behind until the exams, and then I try to catch up.  It's a horrible method.  I've been having to get excessive help from my classmates on assignments, making me feel like an insufferable mooch, and even with their help, I haven't been doing that well on the assignments.  It's actually possible that I'll fail dynamics, but it's really hard to say until the end of the semester.  First midterm (but we get to drop one of the three scores), I got 55; class average was 65; he tends not to curve grades that much (the 65 might just barely be considered passing).  So if I fail, I can either set myself back a full year to retake it and finish the degree, or I can drop it.  I'm planning on the latter.  If I change my meteorology major to a minor, I'm completely done taking those classes, Econ becomes my only major, and I can graduate on time.  In fact, I could graduate early (but I won't).  Perks: not in any more of these classes I'm "suffering" through, graduating on time means entering grad school in August which makes it easier to get a Graduate assistant position, not worrying about what to do with the spring semester after I graduate, free time. Problems: I've never seen myself as the "kind of person" (whatever that means) who graduates with a degree in a social science.  It feels like taking the easy way out.  No extra semester means no extra summer means no time to study abroad.
Housing: It's just been busy.  Elections are today and tomorrow.  We're getting our delegation ready for the conference we're attending in late May.  I'll soon be in my official capacity as president-elect.  I've got a program on Thursday.  I've realized that I (and the people in my position the last two years) have been out of compliance with our organization's constitution and I need to play catch-up to fix it.  After elections, appointments.  It's just a busy time.  And that on top of this no-pressure-whatsoever-other-than-determining-the-fate-of-my-bachelor's-degree dynamics test has been stressful.
Money.  Whenever I finish paying off the bursar for my meal plan, I'll have so little in my bank account that I literally cannot afford gas for a round trip home and back to school.
Baby: I can't visit my niece until she's about two months old.  And even then, see the section above (Money).
And of course, guys.  My angst on this topic has backed off a little in the last two days, but for the week before that it's been really high.  It's stupid and I'm sick of it.


And I was supposed to be reading for an assignment, not blogging.  Also, studying.