How legit is that? (Picture taken in Moore, OK, the town directly North of Norman)
Monday, December 28, 2009
Oklahoma Igloo
There was snow in Oklahoma on Christmas Eve. In fact, they got more snow than I did, home for winter break. Ridiculous. In any case, I was googling my own blog today (hard to find, actually) and I found this, only possible because of the recent snow storm:
How legit is that? (Picture taken in Moore, OK, the town directly North of Norman)
How legit is that? (Picture taken in Moore, OK, the town directly North of Norman)
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Slacker
Since break, I've been busy. Homework like crazy. Two more all-nighters last week, possibly another tonight. I'll avoid it if I can, but I will probably need to go to my math prof's office hours tomorrow morning at 9, so I might not have a choice in the matter. Papers are due, projects are due, I had my first final of the semester about 8 hours ago. Physics lab, I think it went alright.
I've been even more unfocused than usual lately. It's taking everything in me to get stuff done. Maybe it's not even unfocused this time, as much as unmotivated. I went in for ADD testing for a bit last year and ended up dropping that plan at the last minute. I was probably 80% through the process, too. Part of it, though, included seeing one of the psychologists/counselors/whatever and she asked whether there might be other factors contributing to lack of focus--family issues, depression, outside problems, basically. At the time, things were fine and the answer was no.
I've been worrying a lot. I'm not sure I'll want to come back here after winter break. I mean, I'll do it. When I make decisions, they're for keeps. There's no chance of me transferring schools or anything. But it would be nice to have some friends around. I have Eddie and Kate, maybe Megan, Thom a little bit. That's about it.
Jay dropped his classes last Thursday or so. He... well, he had issues. He's home now. He's in a rough spot in his life, and he won't be returning next semester. I sent him a facebook note the other night saying I was sorry for being a bad friend and ditching him. He didn't respond for a couple days, but tonight he wrote back and said thanks for being there for him now, and that we'd work on fixing our friendship. That's a relief, at the very least. I was a bit worried he'd say it was too little, too late. But according to Shannon, "Trena [Jay's mom] said that you have no idea how much your letter to Jay meant to him, and also that he spoke very highly of you the other night." I'm glad to know it wasn't too late. It's a relief, really, because seeing him suffering was getting to me. I felt responsible. Which makes the whole thing seem really selfish. I'm trying to be friends again because I'm lonely and I can't deal with feeling responsible. I can't voice it, but I'm pretty sure there's more than that.
Shannon's leaving. That's hard. I've got her Christmas/going away present all picked out, made, arranged, whatever you'll call it. I'm excited to give it to her. Not excited that it makes her going away so final.
So, yeah, there are other things distracting me, like the fact that I don't know if I want time to speed up or slow down. And I'm sure the confusion will only grow over break. I know that going home tends to drive me crazy. And yet... there are my friends. There's some hope of a returned romantic interest (the date, by the way, went alright, though not spectacularly, and I will be seeing him--in some context or other--at some point over break, because I borrowed a video game). There's something that resembles a normal life, and I miss normalcy. Normal? No, life was never normal. But at least it was sometimes predictable. Even the spontaneity, predictable.
I've been even more unfocused than usual lately. It's taking everything in me to get stuff done. Maybe it's not even unfocused this time, as much as unmotivated. I went in for ADD testing for a bit last year and ended up dropping that plan at the last minute. I was probably 80% through the process, too. Part of it, though, included seeing one of the psychologists/counselors/whatever and she asked whether there might be other factors contributing to lack of focus--family issues, depression, outside problems, basically. At the time, things were fine and the answer was no.
I've been worrying a lot. I'm not sure I'll want to come back here after winter break. I mean, I'll do it. When I make decisions, they're for keeps. There's no chance of me transferring schools or anything. But it would be nice to have some friends around. I have Eddie and Kate, maybe Megan, Thom a little bit. That's about it.
Jay dropped his classes last Thursday or so. He... well, he had issues. He's home now. He's in a rough spot in his life, and he won't be returning next semester. I sent him a facebook note the other night saying I was sorry for being a bad friend and ditching him. He didn't respond for a couple days, but tonight he wrote back and said thanks for being there for him now, and that we'd work on fixing our friendship. That's a relief, at the very least. I was a bit worried he'd say it was too little, too late. But according to Shannon, "Trena [Jay's mom] said that you have no idea how much your letter to Jay meant to him, and also that he spoke very highly of you the other night." I'm glad to know it wasn't too late. It's a relief, really, because seeing him suffering was getting to me. I felt responsible. Which makes the whole thing seem really selfish. I'm trying to be friends again because I'm lonely and I can't deal with feeling responsible. I can't voice it, but I'm pretty sure there's more than that.
Shannon's leaving. That's hard. I've got her Christmas/going away present all picked out, made, arranged, whatever you'll call it. I'm excited to give it to her. Not excited that it makes her going away so final.
So, yeah, there are other things distracting me, like the fact that I don't know if I want time to speed up or slow down. And I'm sure the confusion will only grow over break. I know that going home tends to drive me crazy. And yet... there are my friends. There's some hope of a returned romantic interest (the date, by the way, went alright, though not spectacularly, and I will be seeing him--in some context or other--at some point over break, because I borrowed a video game). There's something that resembles a normal life, and I miss normalcy. Normal? No, life was never normal. But at least it was sometimes predictable. Even the spontaneity, predictable.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)