Gratification

Some days, I've been in the RSA office and felt like my RSA members like Eddie better than they like me. I feel as though my work hasn't affected them the way my freshman year was changed by Richard (I know it's odd to still speak of him positively like that, but he really was a mentor to me at the time).

I can't really give details (it has to do with an ongoing appointment process), but one of my RSA members said something that really made me feel like I've done something right.

Sometimes...

Sometimes life is good.

I have an ambiguously-scheduled date over Thanksgiving week. Oh, yes, going home just got even better.

Lactose-free metaphor

Life is like a game of Tetris. Success comes from planning ahead, but remaining flexible and ready to go with the flow; it's usually the tiny, careless mistakes (caused by rushing) that cause problems; it's never too late to fix things, unless you've blocked off one side completely (i.e. closed your mind new ideas or others' opinions).

Sometimes I'm shocked at just how deep I can be. ;) Of course, now I have to go into the world and apply this knowledge...

Computer-less-ness

I've been without computer for about 2 weeks now. It's been an interesting experience, but I'm glad to have it back. And that's my main excuse for not writing. Except, that's a really lame excuse.

The reality of it is that I'm sick of having nothing happy to write. It's weird, because some days I feel perfectly content, but EVERY day ends the same way, or close to it. I'm alone. I'm miserable. I'm thinking about drama and people and friends and former friends and how to fix things. And I'm sure as hell not coming up with answers. Had you asked me a month ago when the last time was that I had cried, I probably would have assumed over the summer. Last time I had cried hard? That weekend Shannon went home... February, maybe? And maybe that would be wrong, but it would be the last time I remembered, so it's close enough. But now... I've cried almost every day for the last few weeks. The only notable exception was the night of the Halloween Extravaganza, and that was because I was so tired I was asleep before 1, which, as you've probably realized, never happens. But the rest of the nights I've cried.

"Former friends" is a depressing term. But I really don't know how else to describe certain people. They're more than acquaintances. They've seen me at my best and worst. They know my past. They know how I think. But we're not friends now. And I wish it had been the simple fading out that ended most of my grade school friendships. But no. This just stopped. There were no fights. No battles of egos, no angry facebook messages to each other until we realized it wasn't working. It just stopped. And in the case of Jay, it's probably my side that stopped it. And in the case of Richard, it was his decision. And it sucks just as much either way.

I have two wishes right now:
1. For things to be back to the way they were last March.
2. Since number 1 seems unlikely, to be home.