I've been without computer for about 2 weeks now. It's been an interesting experience, but I'm glad to have it back. And that's my main excuse for not writing. Except, that's a really lame excuse.
The reality of it is that I'm sick of having nothing happy to write. It's weird, because some days I feel perfectly content, but EVERY day ends the same way, or close to it. I'm alone. I'm miserable. I'm thinking about drama and people and friends and former friends and how to fix things. And I'm sure as hell not coming up with answers. Had you asked me a month ago when the last time was that I had cried, I probably would have assumed over the summer. Last time I had cried hard? That weekend Shannon went home... February, maybe? And maybe that would be wrong, but it would be the last time I remembered, so it's close enough. But now... I've cried almost every day for the last few weeks. The only notable exception was the night of the Halloween Extravaganza, and that was because I was so tired I was asleep before 1, which, as you've probably realized, never happens. But the rest of the nights I've cried.
"Former friends" is a depressing term. But I really don't know how else to describe certain people. They're more than acquaintances. They've seen me at my best and worst. They know my past. They know how I think. But we're not friends now. And I wish it had been the simple fading out that ended most of my grade school friendships. But no. This just stopped. There were no fights. No battles of egos, no angry facebook messages to each other until we realized it wasn't working. It just stopped. And in the case of Jay, it's probably my side that stopped it. And in the case of Richard, it was his decision. And it sucks just as much either way.
I have two wishes right now:
1. For things to be back to the way they were last March.
2. Since number 1 seems unlikely, to be home.
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