People

Social interaction just isn't my forte this week.  Whoever I'm with, I've wanted to be with someone else.  When I'm with a group, I want one-on-one; when I'm alone with one or two people, I'd rather be with the whole crowd.

I went up to the res halls today for lunch, and ended up hanging out there (and sitting in on an interview to fill the position of Couch RSA; I suppose I never mentioned this, but my successor transferred away for the semester because of grades) until dinner time.  At that point, I was picked up by 2, 4, and a mutual from of 4 and myself (called Car for today, as I believe that's the primary reason he joined us: his was free of snow/ice) went up to Campus Corner and grabbed dinner.  And then we all came back and played Guitar Hero, and I did some online homework.  And then I took a break and played Guitar Hero and now Car is gone and 2 and 4 are in bed and everyone else is... wherever they are.

While at the res halls with the entire exec team, I was thinking I wanted to be alone doing homework (although goodness knows I wouldn't have) or perhaps alone with 6, being mutually mopey.  I feel like I haven't seen her all that much, because she's been stuck up at the res halls keeping her office open, and even when she's not, she's been chillin' with exec.  Which is cool, but makes me sad because it's not with me because getting up there would take me either 20 minutes or the guts to drive and attempt to park on campus during the day.  When there are other people on the roads as well.

And when we went to dinner, I kind of wanted to be back with the exec group.  And then we came back to the apartment and I wanted to be with the group but also wanted to be alone, so I opted for homework.  Which made me want to socialize again, but not really with 4 and Car who were still playing Guitar Hero.  And then I was antisocial some more and then I went back out to the living room and played GH on single player but with 4 and Car still in the room.  Not a very good hostess, I'll willingly admit.  But really, I just wanted to be with exec again, who, according to a text from 6, were "playing board games and having awkward conversations."  I get that I left them, but... I wish I had been personally invited back.  Which is pathetic and makes me sound like a friend who says things like that *ALL THE TIME* and really annoys me.  But it would be nice not to feel like I'm imposing when I want to play.  Or something.

I'm tired.  My eyes are aching to close.  My brain is... well, too tired to be doing more homework, although that probably doesn't say much.  But emotionally, I'm a little too awake right now, and I don't think I'm likely to fall asleep without crying pathetically about how lonely I am.  That's ridiculous.  It really is.  Pathetic.  The only word for it.  I... just need to suck it up and start inviting myself to shit.  And then walking home alone in the cold and dark way late at night.  Yeah, great idea.