Bitter

I should be in Arkansas right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to my weekend of hanging out and watching chick flicks with Shannon, but I should be there. It doesn't make any sense.

This weekend is SWACURH (Southwest Association of College and University Residence Halls). It's a leadership conference-type thing, and it's bound to be amazing and a ton of fun, and useful for anyone who intends to run for an HCSA office next year (yes, that includes me). But you could only go, to represent OU, by application. Richard had all of the Adams RSA execs fill out the apps--Alice, Eddie, Chelsey, and myself. A few other people from Adams filled it out too. I'm the only one of the execs, though, who isn't going. I was chosen as a "delegate alternate" rather than a delegate. So... what makes Alice and Chelsey more worthy of going than myself? Especially since Richard told me to list "lead executive member" on my application rather than just "executive member" like the other two girls... It doesn't make any sense. So I e-mailed Deb, the HCSA official who got the privilege of sending out the notifications to everyone, and asked her, for future reference, what things on my application could have made the difference. After a few days, she talked to the committee and got back to me.

GPA.

WTF?! With a high school GPA of 3.8 and 22 credits from the University of Minnesota totaling a GPA of 3.57, you'd think that pretty much beats out the other freshwomen who applied (only comparing myself to the women because they intentionally chose 4 men, 4 women). I talked to Alice-both of those are higher than the GPA she listed. This makes no sense. Honestly, I felt really confident with my application. My answers to the questions were sincere and still contained the information it seemed like they were looking for. Furthermore, Richard reviewed all of our applications before we turned them in, and he was confident that I would make it (less confident in Alice).

I feel like a bitch. Alice is a good person. She deserves to go. But I'm trying to be objective and she's the only one I have to compare this to, because I don't know about Chelsey's GPA or anything, and I don't know anything about the two Michelles who are also going except that they're upperclassmen.

I should be there, though.

And the worst part is that this whole thing feels just like high school all over again. Repeatedly, I applied for all sorts of leadership positions. I tried out for Drum Major three years in a row. I applied for a section leader position my senior year. I applied to be a speech captain twice (and then we ended up with Kate? Seriously, Kate?). It's just so frustrating.

I should be in Arkansas. Instead, I'm sitting all alone in the empty RSA office. Not a single person has come in all night, because it's Thirsty Thursday and theyr'e all out partying. Everyone is out of town except Shannon, who has class until 9:20. And... and I should be in Arkansas.