I feel like I'm definitely doing better than I was at last posting. Yeah, it's only been a week. But I'm willing to accept that it was a phase and I'm moving out of it. Why? Because it's optimistic, and optimism is good for you, too.
Part of it might be that I've actually been having to do things again, somewhat suddenly. I realized how hectic it's going to be to throw together next semester's weekend program. I've realized that Protection Committee progress has fallen way behind schedule.
And I've been taking care of a roommate. But I suppose I need to back up a little bit for that story to seem nearly as significant as it is.
I mentioned briefly in September that my roommate, roomie #4, to be exact, had a boyfriend who she was with all the time. I also mentioned, I believe, that he and I got along really well. Well, he was established as roomie #5 in our apartment, making him basically a permanent installment. He had shoes in our entryway, food on our counter, his xbox in the living room, and a poster on the wall. Just for a start. And when I mentioned in September that we were basically long-lost siblings, I wasn't really exaggerating. He was regularly referred to as my brother. He got me to tell most of my life story one night so he could psychoanalyze the whole thing and figure out why I am the way I am. And that's a long and complicated story, I imagine.
But out of the blue last Friday, 5 told 4 that he was unhappy with... something about their relationship. The time they spent together had become a burden of sorts, in that it had become an expectation, and he wanted to take a break. Now, "break" means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Everyone remembers that episode of Friends, right? So 4 was devastated and thought there was no plan to talk at all until at least Thanksgiving, when they are scheduled to take the same plane home. And because of the way 5 had come to her, as if, she said, they were completely strangers and not grade school friends who had been in a relationship for five months (to the day yesterday, in fact), she was upset. He sent me a text that day telling me to take care of her. From where I stood, "taking care of her" seemed like it meant "inflicting physical harm on whoever hurt her." I informed him of such, but nothing came of it. Because that night they talked. And they clarified a few things about what "break" meant.
So they decided to not spend all of their time together. And they decided to go on actual dates instead of permanently attached at each other's side. So to 4 (and to myself, but I don't really have a solid perspective), this sounds like a general step back. But 5 has called it "starting over" as though the relationship never existed. And all of his stuff is suddenly gone from the apartment. And 4 has more free time than she's had in months and doesn't know what to do with it to avoid dwelling on the Limbo that is her relationship status.
So... I'm attempting to help her deal with that, and also working on housing stuff and also trying to keep myself from doing horrendously on tests that keep happening. Like the ones tomorrow and Monday. Should be fun!
3 comments:
First: ew relationship drama. But, other than that, I want to express my opinion that people who start relationships need to resist the temptation to be together all the damn time (at least early on). Otherwise this happens. You kind of get tired of each other and you either break up or try to fix it, which usually ends in breaking up because it's weird/difficult to go from being joined at the hip (as you say) to spending time apart. Too much of a good thing, you know? I don't know. Obviously I don't have the whole story, but it generally just seems really immature to constantly be together when you start dating someone. It's cool to be in relationships and it's great when you really like each other and like spending time together, but FFS have your own lives.
/endrant.
In premise, I agree with you entirely. In practice (albeit not from experience), I can see where it would be hard to resist. They got together over the summer, when they took advantage of the fact that they were both from the same home town and both at OU and used that to caravan and carpool home. And then, since 4 had the apartment to herself all summer (and 5 may have had one too), it just happened. By the time I moved in in August, it was already pretty permanent. So that was about 2 months into their relationship. No idea what happened before then.
Yeah, fair enough. It sucks that #4 wants you to cut ties with (formerly) #5. (I just read your most recent post.) You're definitely in a tough place. You're obviously close with both, but I can understand #4's situation. I wouldn't want my friend to be chummy with my ex when I'm still hurting from a breakup. But I also know it sucks for you. Maybe try to stay in contact with him over the internet/facebook (trying to secretly meet in person could only go poorly, but keeping touch over the internet can be easier/safer), and then perhaps when things blow over, you'll at least have the basis of a friendship to rekindle.
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