Oklahoma Igloo

There was snow in Oklahoma on Christmas Eve. In fact, they got more snow than I did, home for winter break. Ridiculous. In any case, I was googling my own blog today (hard to find, actually) and I found this, only possible because of the recent snow storm:




How legit is that? (Picture taken in Moore, OK, the town directly North of Norman)

Slacker

Since break, I've been busy. Homework like crazy. Two more all-nighters last week, possibly another tonight. I'll avoid it if I can, but I will probably need to go to my math prof's office hours tomorrow morning at 9, so I might not have a choice in the matter. Papers are due, projects are due, I had my first final of the semester about 8 hours ago. Physics lab, I think it went alright.

I've been even more unfocused than usual lately. It's taking everything in me to get stuff done. Maybe it's not even unfocused this time, as much as unmotivated. I went in for ADD testing for a bit last year and ended up dropping that plan at the last minute. I was probably 80% through the process, too. Part of it, though, included seeing one of the psychologists/counselors/whatever and she asked whether there might be other factors contributing to lack of focus--family issues, depression, outside problems, basically. At the time, things were fine and the answer was no.

I've been worrying a lot. I'm not sure I'll want to come back here after winter break. I mean, I'll do it. When I make decisions, they're for keeps. There's no chance of me transferring schools or anything. But it would be nice to have some friends around. I have Eddie and Kate, maybe Megan, Thom a little bit. That's about it.

Jay dropped his classes last Thursday or so. He... well, he had issues. He's home now. He's in a rough spot in his life, and he won't be returning next semester. I sent him a facebook note the other night saying I was sorry for being a bad friend and ditching him. He didn't respond for a couple days, but tonight he wrote back and said thanks for being there for him now, and that we'd work on fixing our friendship. That's a relief, at the very least. I was a bit worried he'd say it was too little, too late. But according to Shannon, "Trena [Jay's mom] said that you have no idea how much your letter to Jay meant to him, and also that he spoke very highly of you the other night." I'm glad to know it wasn't too late. It's a relief, really, because seeing him suffering was getting to me. I felt responsible. Which makes the whole thing seem really selfish. I'm trying to be friends again because I'm lonely and I can't deal with feeling responsible. I can't voice it, but I'm pretty sure there's more than that.

Shannon's leaving. That's hard. I've got her Christmas/going away present all picked out, made, arranged, whatever you'll call it. I'm excited to give it to her. Not excited that it makes her going away so final.

So, yeah, there are other things distracting me, like the fact that I don't know if I want time to speed up or slow down. And I'm sure the confusion will only grow over break. I know that going home tends to drive me crazy. And yet... there are my friends. There's some hope of a returned romantic interest (the date, by the way, went alright, though not spectacularly, and I will be seeing him--in some context or other--at some point over break, because I borrowed a video game). There's something that resembles a normal life, and I miss normalcy. Normal? No, life was never normal. But at least it was sometimes predictable. Even the spontaneity, predictable.

Gratification

Some days, I've been in the RSA office and felt like my RSA members like Eddie better than they like me. I feel as though my work hasn't affected them the way my freshman year was changed by Richard (I know it's odd to still speak of him positively like that, but he really was a mentor to me at the time).

I can't really give details (it has to do with an ongoing appointment process), but one of my RSA members said something that really made me feel like I've done something right.

Sometimes...

Sometimes life is good.

I have an ambiguously-scheduled date over Thanksgiving week. Oh, yes, going home just got even better.

Lactose-free metaphor

Life is like a game of Tetris. Success comes from planning ahead, but remaining flexible and ready to go with the flow; it's usually the tiny, careless mistakes (caused by rushing) that cause problems; it's never too late to fix things, unless you've blocked off one side completely (i.e. closed your mind new ideas or others' opinions).

Sometimes I'm shocked at just how deep I can be. ;) Of course, now I have to go into the world and apply this knowledge...

Computer-less-ness

I've been without computer for about 2 weeks now. It's been an interesting experience, but I'm glad to have it back. And that's my main excuse for not writing. Except, that's a really lame excuse.

The reality of it is that I'm sick of having nothing happy to write. It's weird, because some days I feel perfectly content, but EVERY day ends the same way, or close to it. I'm alone. I'm miserable. I'm thinking about drama and people and friends and former friends and how to fix things. And I'm sure as hell not coming up with answers. Had you asked me a month ago when the last time was that I had cried, I probably would have assumed over the summer. Last time I had cried hard? That weekend Shannon went home... February, maybe? And maybe that would be wrong, but it would be the last time I remembered, so it's close enough. But now... I've cried almost every day for the last few weeks. The only notable exception was the night of the Halloween Extravaganza, and that was because I was so tired I was asleep before 1, which, as you've probably realized, never happens. But the rest of the nights I've cried.

"Former friends" is a depressing term. But I really don't know how else to describe certain people. They're more than acquaintances. They've seen me at my best and worst. They know my past. They know how I think. But we're not friends now. And I wish it had been the simple fading out that ended most of my grade school friendships. But no. This just stopped. There were no fights. No battles of egos, no angry facebook messages to each other until we realized it wasn't working. It just stopped. And in the case of Jay, it's probably my side that stopped it. And in the case of Richard, it was his decision. And it sucks just as much either way.

I have two wishes right now:
1. For things to be back to the way they were last March.
2. Since number 1 seems unlikely, to be home.

Walnut Gouda

Walnut Gooda- Subtle yet flavorful, the walnut adds a sensual warmth to the basic Gouda cheese. A truly surprising cheese, we recommend serving Walnut Gouda at your next party or get together. Goes nicely with port.

I also find it pleasantly smoky, even though I'm not usually big on smoky cheeses.

I introduced someone to Forward Foods a few days ago. She kinda hates me now. The good news of a cheese addiction comes in two parts.

1. It's healthier than most other addictions.
2. It's less expensive than other addictions. According to some random website, Cocaine or Heroine addictions can cost someone $25-$30 a day. I could eat a pound of their BEST cheese a day. At that point, I'd probably just save and open up my own shop.

I'm physically tired. My head hurts just a little bit. I'm bored and lonely. I have no intention of being productive. Oh, and I hate people. Most of them, anyway.

Alive

It is a wonder, after the way this morning started, that I am still alive to go to my second class.
I woke up this morning at about 9:30, around the same time as the last two days. The difference between this and the last two days, though, was that I had gotten about 9 hours of sleep last night, as opposed to 4.5 the previous two. In fact, the last two days, I had been shocked to notice how easily I woke up in the mornings with so little sleep.

This morning was the opposite. I always set two alarms on my phone and one on my alarm clock. The sound that actually got me fully conscious this morning was "Never Gonna Give You Up," which is one of my alarm/ringtones on my phone that I use. I though it was coming from my alarm clock, but saw that my phone was lit up, so I figured I had a text message or something and wanted to check that before I turned off my alarm. I looked at the phone, a little confused, and figured out that was where the song was coming from.

Fine, I can deal with that. I woke up, figured it out, got the alarms turned off. So I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth, kind of laughing at the alarm clock bit, in fact. And then I realize that I'm taking the cap off my acne medication and not my toothpaste, but have my toothbrush in my other hand. I was about to squeeze the tube, in fact, before I realized. Just of the record, the only similarity between the two is the shape: both are squeeze tubes; they are different colors, different sizes, the toothbrush has a flip-cap not a twist-off.

I decided to go back to bed for a while, to see if extra sleep would help. I woke up, almost decided not to go to Physics lab because a lab when you're that confused sounded like a bad idea and sleep sounded like a good one. I went anyway, a few minutes late, but I got all the instructions and found a group to work with.

They were idiots. I almost slapped them. They messed up a major part of our data, so we have to start our calculations over again at home. One guy was trying to mess up the data out of simple laziness when I finally took over (which I didn't want to do because, like I said, I was late, so I wasn't showing much leadership). We got it done. It took about three times as long as our previous labs, mostly because of the data mess-up. I ended up missing my chance to eat lunch with Eddie because class ran so long. I hardly managed to get across the main sidewalk on the South Oval over to the bike path because there were so many people, got stuck at a "don't walk" sign on Lindsey Street. Even when it changed, I couldn't get past people because apparently two people filled up the entire sidewalk (which I know for a fact comfortably fits five).

I'm just shocked, honestly, that I'm still alive after a day that has started so... confusingly. I should have stayed in bed. Much safer.

Truths

Weeks of School: 5+ 1 day, Skipped Classes: 1, Energy Drinks: 5, All-Nighters: 2
Truth: Last time I posted this, I forgot to change the number of weeks.
Truth: I survived today (9:30 a.m. to now) on 4.5 hours of sleep, about 350mg of caffeine (consumed between 10:30 and 2:30), and a good mood.
Truth: I should have realized that it was too good to last. Also, when I saw one thing was working and helping to keep my day positive, I should have stuck to it. Unfortunately, the thing that was working was not talking to one of my close friends. So... what does that mean, then?

Truth: everyone here is miserable. Everyone. Everyone has their demons. Some days we can push them away, ignore them, make deals with them. But they never stay away for long.

Truth: I don't know if it's going to get any better. Not now, not in the next week or month, or by the end of the semester, the end of the year, the summer, next fall... Nothing has turned out as it was meant to be. Now I have to stop trying to live in a past vision of the future. That vision is not the same as the present.

Updated Count

Weeks of School: 3, Skipped Classes: 1, Energy Drinks: 4, All-Nighters: 2

How to Succeed in College Without Really Trying

Tuesday classes are English (12-1:15), Math (1:30-2:45), and Qur'an (3-4:15). I had a paper due in English today and an analysis for Qur'an on the oaths in the selected passages (15 or so suras). I had not started either of these assignments last night. This list was written during my Qur'an class today.

How to Succeed in College (Without Really Trying):

• Freak out and have a totally unrelated breakdown at 11 p.m.
• Go to Burger King at 1 a.m.
• Hang out with friends sharing old stories until 2 a.m.
• Begin research for English paper.
• Print research, take a nap at 3 a.m.
• Wake up at 3:45 and go through research, highlighting and taking notes.
• Begin another nap at 4:15. Set alarm for 4:45.
• Repeatedly wake up and hit snooze button until 6:00. During brief conscious periods just after hitting alarm, brainstorm paper outline.
• Get up and write paper. Print. Print peer review sheets. Go back to bad at 6:35.
• Set alarm for 9 a.m. to read suras for Qur'an. Unintentionally hit snooze button until about 10:10. Turn off alarm, stay in bed.
• Realize at 10:30 that reading isn't done yet. Read.
• Go to class (12:00 noon). During first class, plan response to readings (to be submitted online at least one hour before class).
• Between first and second classes, go to computer lab and submit reading analysis for third class.
• Between the hours of 2 a.m. and 4:30 p.m., consume only three (3) vitamin gummy bears and one (1) Monster energy drink.

Unproductive and upset

As I mentioned before, my days can always be summed up in one of two ways: busy, productive, and happy; or lonely, miserable, and unproductive. This evening falls into the latter. I don't want to bore you with the details, but, put simply, part of me really wishes I were at home right now. There are people I want to see. Also, I miss having a roommate. This room is way too big for just one person.

And I suppose I never showed everyone "this room" so I'll take this opportunity to post pictures.

Cosine Secant Tangent Sine, Three Point One Four One Five Nine!

I think I'm getting old. Last year, getting along on 5 hours of sleep was nothing. I had 8:30 classes in the weather center. I didn't have much choice (well, besides changing my sleep schedule, but really, who does that?). This year I don't have classes until 11:30 at the very earliest (and that class was canceled this week, so my earliest was noon). Eight hours of sleep can be achieved by going to bed at 3. Last night, however, was an exception. I was up doing math homework until I decided to give up at 4 a.m., and then it took me another half hour to actually go to sleep. And then I woke up at 9:30 so I could finish that assignment and the work for my other classes. I've been exhausted all day. But I guess it's an okay kind of exhausted. It's the kind where you know you're tired and can feel it physically (aching eyelids, occasionally slow breathing), but you don't actually drop off, even bored. And for some reason, I was focused in class. Part of that may have been the caffeine. I'm keeping an official count now, by the way.

Weeks of School: 3, Skipped Classes: 0, Energy Drinks: 1, All-Nighters: o (but just barely)

But I expect that last number to increase quite a bit, because tomorrow is Big Red Rally, which is where Kate and I each got a case of Full Throttle last year. Excellent.

As you can see, though, I'm very ranty and tangential... Hm... Summary of the day: Got up, did math homework, relieved to be able to solve a problem I had a lot of trouble with last night, printed English homework, went to class, arrived early in class despite a detour, participated in conversation, went to next class, took math quiz (got one problem right; got close on the other, I think, except that I'm pretty sure 0 =/= 1), went to Qur'an class (considered skipping, thus that second count is pretty important), participated in conversation (which I frequently have trouble doing, but which comprises 40% of our grade), came up with ideas for paper (due Thursday, I think), came back to res. halls, planned nap, called father instead, went to supper, went to RSA office, realized I was still really freaking tired, went back up to room for nap, ended up doing productive things instead, went back down to RSA office, inventoried DVDs, looked at plans for tomorrow, blogged.

There we go. A few fewer tangents that time.

To quote Barbie...

Just once in my life, I would like to have a native-English-speaking math professor with legible handwriting. Is that really so much to ask? Basically, I have to make a choice between trying to figure out what she has written and actually listening to her. I figure the listening will go straight in one ear and out the other, so when it's a choice of absolute substitution, I go with reading/writing.

Math is hard! (Actually, that's a misquote... The real line was "Math class is tough.")



Oh, and now the obligatory "Sorry I don't write enough" rant. My excuse is this: when I'm in a good mood, it's usually because I'm being busy and productive. I'm more likely to blog in a bad mood, because I'm not getting anything done then anyway. I realize, however, that you don't want to see a weekly rant from me about all the miserable little nothings going on in my life. So, in order to try to even out the positive:negative ratio of blog posts, I simply don't post as often as I could.

Recent Text Messages From My Father

Tuesday:
9:57PM
"Twins win! 4-3 on a pinch hit by Morales with 2 out in the 9th. You OK? Hsvent heard from you at all today. Im calling soon if you dont txt..."
9:59PM (after I texted him back saying I'm fine but busy. Text first if he wants to call)
"I dont want to bother you. Your txt let me know youre OK, so I dont have to call. Have a good night. Love you!"

Wednesday:
9:34PM
"So, how come you wont call or txt us, but the neighbors know all about what youre doing down there?"
(I don't reply because I guess I didn't hear it...)
9:52PM
"Hello? Whatcha up to?"
I reply and say "Sorry, I didn't see your first text." I meant to send another text message after that but forgot. He calls. "I haven't heard from you at all. I don't know what's going on." I try to explain that I haven't actually told these neighbors anything--they've simply seen things on facebook. He whines that they've mentioned seeing a bunch of pictures and hearing about all the cool things I'm doing. I've posted pictures of my room and pictures from the summer. Nothing he hasn't seen (although he left before I unpacked my room). I explain that I'm with friends and probably can't talk long, but he just wants to know what's been going on so I quickly fill him in on all the meetings and office hours I've had, my classes. He interrupts "You're talking really fast, like you have to pee."

... wtf?

I explain that my friends are waiting on me so I'm trying to fill him in quickly. He sounds insulted but suggests I call him sometime and says he won't try to call or text me unless I do first. He has been an empty-nester for a year now. Someone, please help him adjust.

I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MONKEY-FIGHTING FRESHMEN, IN MY MONKEY-FIGHTING PARKING SPOTS!

Finally at school. Woot!

I'm starting to get pretty excited about a few of my upcoming events. Sunday are the RA floor meetings, and I'm hoping to make it to every single one. I probably should plan a speech of sorts, though, because I'll be dashing in and out of those. Monday, then, is the first RSA meeting, which, again, requires me to write up an agenda of sorts. The Sunday after the first week of school I have my Welcome Back frozen custard social, the first test of both the new RSA members and the willingness of the residents to participate. I'll be purchasing three giant tubs of custard and toppings. So, that's just the first week. Oh, and little things in there like General Council meetings, exec meetings, and my President-Advisers meeting.

There was some mistake and a bunch of freshmen ended up with Priority parking passes at the cost of a regular one. I'm afraid to drive anywhere, because i know I'll lose my parking spot. Last night I had to park in front of Walker. I think they're going to have to completely redistribute them, honestly, which really sucks. Or just redistribute a different color of priority passes and give the mistake freshmen regular passes. I don't know.

Move-in day was yesterday. I got to spend 5 hours renting out dollies to freshmen to move their stuff. And then tracking them down when they didn't return them for 2 hours. Fun stuff. The thing is, as annoying and terrible as it sounds, I really did miss it all.

Theres's all sorts of drama going on within the exec team of HCSA again. We're all hoping we don't have to go through and do another last-minute appointment for a vacated position. It's not looking good.

I'm planning on spending my day collecting free stuff and then planning for the next week or so.

3 days!

With the school year oh-so-fast approaching, I'm going to try, once again, to kick my blogging butt into high gear. The only problem? No idea what to say.

I've finally got a car. It's pretty, dark blue. We found it on Craig's List. It's kind of funny because at the beginning of the process I found the prettiest car-- a dark blue Pontiac Sunfire (2002, I think), right withing our price range-- and by the next day, the ad was down; it had sold. I was extremely disappointed because the search yielded very little else for at least a week. And then I found the Cavalier. Dark Blue. 2002. So similar, in fact, that most repair manuals will group the two together. So, yeah, that's my car. It's gorgeous, to me anyway. Still needs a name. And apparently some repairs. We've been searching the junkyards for days getting all the details in place, and thought we were done until my dad decided to teach me how to change a tire today. The wheel that we had randomly selected appeared to be rusted on to the hub (someone tell me how far off I am in my car terminology, 'cause I have no idea what I'm talking about). Can't wait to see how much this repair costs.

As of right now, I'm at Caribou again. I'm running out of time for these trips. I'll probably be here on Friday, but that's it. Saturday an acquaintance who lives somewhat nearby and also goes to OU will be caravanning with us down to OK. We plan to leave by 6 AM, which means no pre-travel Caribou. Friday night is it. I'm almost not sure which I'll miss more, Caribou, or the employees there. No, I take that back. Definitely the coffee. I wonder what would happen if I go to a coffee shop in OK and ask for a Reindeer Drink. I expect blank stares.

AT&T Commercial

Everyone loves that song and the commercial because they're just so damn cute.



I think there's something seriously wrong with me. I think I need more self-confidence. I think I need a guy, just so that pressure of "first boyfriend" can finally go away. I think I need to give it a rest and stop doing this over and over again, stop making something out of nothing, stop trying so hard, and stop letting myself get so involved. So what do I do instead?

Lyrics: Franklin (Paramore)

And when we get home, I know we won't be home at all
This place we live, it is not where we belong
And I miss who we were in the town that we could call our own
Going back to get away after everything has changed

...

So we stand here now and no one knows us at all
I won't get used to this
I won't get used to being gone
And going back won't feel the same if we aren't staying
Going back to get away after everything has changed

Goin' Anywhere

I think I've heard the song "Don't Stop Believin'" about 6 times today. That's not necessarily a bad thing; it's a good song.

I am currently at the NACURH (National Association of College and University Residence Halls) national conference. I've been told it's "like cheerleader camp on crack." Normally, I'd probably be okay with this, but quite honestly, I'm in a foul mood, and that makes it really hard to be peppy. And I can't even understand why. I mean, I had Caribou Coffee today (the Denver International Airport is my happy place).

I suppose I should start from the beginning, and by "beginning," naturally, I mean the end of the school year. My parents made it into town Friday night, after finals were over. By this point, most of campus was abandoned and they had the freedom to park wherever they wanted and take as much time as they wanted. The short version of this, since it doesn't matter all that much, was that it went off nearly without a hitch (little quarrels here and there, but otherwise tolerable) and they left and I was alone with all of my belongings crammed into two suitcases. I slept for two nights in their hotel, then spent Sunday night back in my dorm.

Monday, I checked out of my room and brought all my stuff to Eddie's to stay in his apartment for the week, although in actuality, most of the week was spent in his hometown of McAlester, Oklahoma. Monday afternoon we grabbed lunch, went back to his apartment for a while, and then packed up and left town. We stayed at his house, I in the guest bedroom. His mother was quite nice and even gave us money for food a few times, so we were able to go out to eat. She was a little obsessive about her dogs (they're Eddie's "sisters" and, much like my grandfather's annoyingly spoiled chi-poo-poo/poohuahua/whatever, use "piddle pads" so they can pee without going outside), but overall, a nice woman. We planned to leave town again Wednesday morning, which meant Eddie's mother was going to pay to fill up his gas tank Tuesday night. Well, apparently that was forgotten, so around 10 Wednesday morning, he called his mother and work and whined on the phone to her until she agreed to use her lunch break to come back and pay for his gas. Waitaminute waitaminute waitaminute. Are you serious?!

The fact is, he had been getting whinier and whinier as the week progressed, and I couldn't understand it. The problem has persisted, and I still don't. Wednesday and Thursday night were in Eddie's apartment. He mostly stuck to himself, but Thursday we went to paint paddles for NACURH (pics, I promise) in the HCSA area of Couch Center. Jay and I ran to Walmart for supplies and in the meantime, Eddie apparently decided to begin the painting. The paddles already had their base coat, half red and half white, so the next step was the word "RUF" in white on the red and "DUKS" in red on the white. For some reason the RUF stencil had gone missing, but Eddie went ahead and spraypainted the DUKS part. In the HCSA hallway. Spraypaint, yes... good idea. Well, for some reason the spray paint reacted funny with the coat underneath and it started to bubble oddlly. Eddie tried to fix the damage by blotting and/or wiping away the deformities in the letters. I saw none of this. What I saw when I got back to the conference room, in addition to the smell of spraypaint in a confined area, was smudged writing. Jay and I both laughed a little bit, but in a VERY easygoing way, and I thought it was quite clear that we were joking. Eddie got pissed and stopped working. He hardly spoke for the rest of the day (I should mention that he had painted both his paddle and mine). I improvised a stencil for the RUF part (the letter P, a handmade stencil traced on a paper plate from the word DUKS, and an E) and used it to blot-paint that part of the paddle onto each of ours with a foam sponge. Not perfect, but it turned out alright. As I was doing so, I said to Eddie, several times, that what happened with the DUKS was not his fault and it didn't really matter. He wouldn't speak to me. He's been just as moody since, and not just towards me, but also towards Jay, despite the fact that Jay finished his paddle for him (the other side of each has the owner's name on it).

Frankly, I'm getting sick of it. I just can't deal with it any more, and I can't understand it, and I'm not sure I care enough to keep trying to pry out of him the details of whatever has him so upset.

Additionally, despite the fact that we are all a tight group of friends and there are hundreds of people at this conference, I'm feeling incredibly lonely. Hannah and Lydia are rooming together (we brought three girls, so one of us had to room separately). Fine, that's not their fault, but Hannah only seems to want to talk to Lydia this trip. Eddie isn't talking to anyone. Jay probably feels just as left out as I do, but he and I just don't have much to talk about right now. We're not mad at each other, we're friends, but we have very little in common, as it turns out.

I want Shannon, and I want Akshatha, and I want Nyssa, and I want easy access to Caribou Coffee, and I want my kitties, and I just don't want to be here right now.

And I started developing a sore throat and stuffy nose late this morning, so I think I'm getting sick.

x_x

That little emoticon... that's me. After I eat all the junk food I just bought.

I went to the convenience store (the on-campus one--yay for using up meal points) and bought a pound or so of candy and a bottle of NOS. For those of you unfamiliar with it, NOS is a high-power energy drink. Tasty, too! After that, I went to Burger King, got a Tendercrisp chicken sandwich combo (with Pibb) and cheesy tots. I also have two five-hour energies in my room, one of them extra strength.

You see, my sleep schedule is a little bit... off. Last night, I was still awake when the fire alarms went off at 5:20AM (my dad assumed I was woken up by the alarms... ha). I went to bed shortly after we were allowed back inside the building, woke up a little after 9 and took the bus to the Weather Center, where I dropped off a few assignments, and then Shannon and I went to Jason's Deli (it's excellent, and there will be one in Eden Prairie, opening June 8th) and each ate about half of a potato the size of my face. Fecking delicious.

And then I went back to sleep. Until 5. Oops.

And now my weather radio is going off. We're in a flash flood watch, severe thunderstorm watch, and a few nearby counties are in a severe thunderstorm warning. It's hot out. The sky is bright blue. People are playing frisbee and sitting on swings, because it's so utterly summer-like outside. And I'm stuck in here, "studying." (I try, really, but it's so easy to convince yourself that, "oh, I'll just check facebook one more time...")

:)

Saturday was my birthday. 19 years old, one of the least significant birthdays out there. Worse, even, than 17. And on top of it, I was missing my aunt's memorial service. As a result, I basically planned to be in a bad mood, and I met my plans. But Shannon was planning a birthday party. That much I knew, and so we had it tonight.

At 9:50, I went to Jay's room, where Shannon, Richard, Jay, and Lydia were waiting. There was a cake on the table in the center of his room, clearly handmade and very delicious-looking and two gifts wrapped in pink butcher paper, probably stolen from either the Walker or Couch RSA office. I opened the first and saw a big pink smiley face. Oh, wait... not just a smiley face... and octopus. Fun. And it opens--yes, a pink octopus cookie jar. And I opened it up to find... CONDOMS. A cookie jar full of condoms, many of which, as it turned out, were my own to begin with. A few days ago, Shannon and Jay formulated a master plan so Shannon could take all the condoms out of the box on my desk. Mixed in with the condoms in the jar was the can opener I had lent to Jay while Shannon was in my room, eating Chinese food. Oh, those sneaky little devils. The other gift was a dragon kite, because I had been telling Shannon for days that I wanted to fly a kite. She and I will be flying it on Friday and/or Saturday, and then, only about a week later, I will be flying a kite with Akshatha (this is a promise/threat).

As it turns out, I have the coolest friends ever.

Love to everyone back home--I can't wait to see you. As a matter of fact, I booked my flight today and I will be home (well, at the MSP airport) at 8:53 p.m. Saturday, May 26th. And the next day I plan to have Caribou Coffee at least 6 times. Anyone wanna call dibs on first, second, or third trips? Better yet, we'll combine them all in one and go to MOA. :)

Here he is!

Upgrade! The silver box to the right is where I used to keep all of my condoms. It was completely stuffed.

And there it is, all full!

Welcome to finals season

I realize it's been nearly a month since my last post, so I guess it's time to start catching people up, huh...

Well, Shannon and Richard are no longer. They're on a break/broken up (brings to mind the Ross-Rachel dilemma in friends). It doesn't look good. They're treating it as a breakup. I think Shannon realizes it's for the better, but she's having trouble coming to terms with it. I can't blame her. She had a lot invested in this relationship. Richard seems mostly unconcerned. He cares for her, but there's only so much he can do. He tries to be sensitive, but it's not his specialty. And, with Shannon still working things out for herself, it's going to be really hard for me to see him flirting with everyone at NACURH. I try to be somewhat supportive on both ends, although Shannon obviously needs it more. She hasn't been eating well, but she's trying, and her appetite is increasing slightly.
I can't criticize. The day before she stopped eating, I had also stopped. I ate two meals in four days, but my appetite is basically back to normal by now. That was all two weeks ago.

Everyone seems to be miserable, though. It hurts a lot. And it hurts even more when I realize that, personally, I've had the best year of my life. High school was shit for me. It would have been unbearable without Nyssa and Akshatha, but even so, the whole purpose of high school was to lead up to graduation and getting out of that stupid little town. High school... it sucked. Plain and simple. This year, roads of opportunity are opening for me. I have more amazing friends than ever. I have personal freedom, I've experienced personal growth. Everything's different, but it's amazing. I almost don't want to go home. But I miss Akshatha and Nyssa. And I want, more than anything, to give my mom a hug.

For once, I think I have the right reasons for things. It's refreshing. But it's going to make the next two weeks so, so hard.

Not again...

There's some drama going on in the background of everyone's lives right now. I don't understand it. Nobody will openly talk about it, except sometimes Alice. It's there, though. And the subtle tension is starting to get to me.

And while I'd love to turn to food for comfort, the only thing that sounds truly delicious is Indian food, much of which contains meat (which I gave up for lent). The rest of which I can't get to anyway because I don't have a car. I think I should propose an... unorthodox Easter dinner to my parents.

Been a while

I've always been bad at maintaining these. Diaries, journals, blogs, etc. Maybe some year I'll try a vlog (video blog) and see how that goes.

For starters, elections have come and gone. I was really worried for a while. My opponent has lived in Couch all year, and I only for a month. But it seems like she gave up halfway through. She never hung up any publicity. Her facebook group had a countdown, frozen at "6 days until the election" until the day before the election, when the line was simply deleted. Well, I won, and by quite a margin. 131-72. And mine was probably the easiest of the races.

Nonetheless, people in my group (which is kind of like a little political party) were elected to every position for which they ran. Richard got Adams back. Lydia was uncontested for Cate. Elizabeth got Walker. Hannah got HCSA President, and Jay got Vice President. But Jay being elected means that Eddie was not. And he found out in the worst way possible. We were waiting for the e-mail telling us that the votes were counted and he and I decided we wanted to know the purpose of a first, second, third, etc. choice vote. We went back into the HCSA hallway to find out and as we approached the first open door, we heard "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Did he really do it again?! Was it by, like, eight votes again?" There was only one person that could refer to. Last year, Jay won the Vice Presidential election, despite everyone thinking he wouldn't stand a chance, by only 12 votes. Eddie and I froze in the hallway. Eddie turned around and stormed out.

He was really upset, and that upset me, too. Empathy can be a real bitch sometimes. I was completely unable to celebrate my own success or that of my party.

But he's doing better now, and I'm doing better. We're getting ready to have the results validated, and we're going to be selecting people for the appointed positions soon.

Paintball was Sunday. I managed to escape it pretty safely. I don't have any bruises and all the paint washed out of my clothes. Good day. Shannon and Richard, on the other hand, both have giant welts. Ow. I'm still planning my care package program, but my day today took a turn for the worse when the person I was contacting about a Day of Silence/Break the Silence dance (the president of GLBTF) said they had found another venue. She only sent me that e-mail, a week after our last correspondence, because I sent her two messages today saying things like "I'm turning in the room reservation and the Coke product request. Let me know what's going on." Here we are, halfway through the month, and I need a new April event. I'm thinking some sort of vegetarian thing. Maybe include some vegan foods too. I don't know. It takes almost two weeks to plan any events, and I need a solid idea. Since I'm already doing the care package program, a "Free dinner" event seems like I'm just giving away funds. I should at least include some education or something. But that's where it gets preachy. I don't care if people are vegetarians. They should just know there are plenty of good vegetarian dishes available. Also, an excuse to get Indian food and Rusty's Frozen Custard.

IF ANYONE READING THIS HAS ANY IDEAS, LET ME KNOW!

A busy week just turned into a slow week, and vice versa

Originally, it was so:
Monday: Meetings
Wednesday: Game Night
Thursday: Dance for Life
Friday: Ice Skating
Sunday: Paintballing


Paintballing had to be canceled early in the week because there were so many paperwork issues. It was postponed until next Sunday.
Now ice skating has been postponed a week as well, due to the snow that's supposed to be coming in this afternoon and tomorrow afternoon. Because 1-3 inches is a big deal in Oklahoma and people don't know how to drive in snow.

My idea: Someone should open up a driving practice course where they make FAKE snow and people can just come and practice driving in it. And they can set up huge-normous fans to simulate wind and everything. People could be taught.

But whatever... Next weekend is just going to be really busy. That is, in addition to more meetings Monday, Ice Skating Friday, Paintballing Sunday, there will also be a luncheon Friday and a banquet Saturday relating to various awards. Oh, and all my one-on-one meetings with advisors (usually Tuesdays and Thursdays) have also been canceled due to their meetings for setup for aforementioned banquets as well as RA interviews.

Poo.

Oh, well. Lots of planning time, then. Planning for Day of Silence. Planning for Care Package program. Let's just hope they work out.

Still Happy

I'm not sure if I've been this happy for this long before. It's pretty neat.

Couch President is going well. I had to move out of Adams, which was sad. I still hang out there a lot, though, and I still see Shannon on a regular basis. That's the saddest part still: being away from Shannon. The good news is that I have a room to myself again, and I'm actually allowed to spread out all over this time. Also, I'm on a floor with kitchens. The interesting news is that my opponent in the election lives across the hall.

Elections have me a bit anxious. If I lose, I already know I'm going to take it really hard, so I'm trying to plan things to keep me busy in the days immediately following. I know there are some awards things that weekend that I'm going to, so hopefully that will serve as some incentive to stop moping. If nothing else, I have a few events I'm thinking about for April, and those should be exciting. And there's always the appointed position. Although I should probably figure out which one I'd be going for. Originally I was thinking secretary, but otherwise maybe programming director? I don't know. Secretary just doesn't feel involved enough. Anyway, the good news is that Cari and Shannon, who are for sure getting a university apartment next year, said it would be cool if I roomed with them if I don't get Couch. So if I'm appointed, I get a free apartment! I would, however, want a car at that point. Anyway, election... I have an opponent. She lives in my hall. She hasn't put up a single piece of publicity, but she has more people in her facebook group than I do. I don't know if that's truly indicative or not, but it worries me severely. Apparently she might not take the position, though. She wants to be an RA, and you can't do both.

I'll talk about my earlier events later, maybe, but for now I'm excited about Friday night. Ice skating! Should be super-fun. Free skating, free skate rental, and a party room to chillax in. I haven't gone skating in ages, and it'll be with Shannon and everybody, and that's exciting to me. :)

I only wish...

I only wish there were a way to make everyone happy. I'm happy. But being the only happy person is kind of depressing.

I got Couch President. The weather here is gorgeous on a daily basis. My friends are amazing. What is there to be unhappy about?

Well, for Eddie, it's the fact that he was left out of the publicity-making party at Jay's house; that's because Jay is his opponent in the race for HCSA VP. For Alice, it's facing rejection for the first time ever. Ever. Ever. She wasn't selected as a counselor for Camp Crimson. She's afraid that she won't get picked as an RA. She talked to Johnnie-Margaret, who said she could put her application on hold for a few days without having it held against her. For Shannon, it's Richard. He's really not being a very good boyfriend, and she sort of kind of almost broke up with him the other day, but the next morning they were out getting smoothies together again. I think he's too overpowering for her and the relationship probably isn't good for her; she can't hold her own ground against him. She's saying that if they break up, she'll probably transfer to UNT next year. I can't even bear the thought of that. What's more, certain friends at home seem to be having serious problems and it feels like there's nothing I can do about that. If there is ANYTHING at all that I can do, please tell me.

So, yeah... Things are going well for me, personally. Not so well for everyone else. I might post a description of my first few days as pres. soon.

DFTBA

stressstressstressrantrantrantbreathe.... breathe....

Yeah, so this whole Couch thing... it's got me freaking out. In the beginning, my friend Eddie threatened to be really effing upset with me if I get the position and he doesn't. There's a lot of background there, but the short version of this is that I understand completely and his persistence should count for something, just like I think it should've counted for me for something in high school. So, yeah, I think he'd be completely justified in being upset if I get the position and he doesn't. Next, we found out that it would be absolutely required for whoever gets the position to move. Well, that just sucks. I just got a new roommate a few weeks ago. I've lived here since August, my bank statements come to this address, and there are only a few months left in the semester. Moving now would just be ridiculous. And let's face it: I have a ton of stuff in this room. Also, it would leave Shannon without a microwave or TV. The room in Couch might come equipped with a fridge/freezer/microwave, but those microwaves suck. They burn popcorn. Moreover, I love Adams. My friends all live here. We're tight. We're like family. Moving away from this building will probably mean I'm not as tight with the group. Who wants to walk all the way across the street just to visit little old me? I've been told my odds are good for getting this position. What kind of asshole would I be to turn it down because I don't want to move?

My friends have been leaving me out of the loop. Well, not all of them. I shouldn't exaggerate. Richard's been keeping me more in the loop than he probably should in regards to the whole selection procedure. But Shannon has been talking to Alice and not me, and that sucks. I'm worried about her. I know something is wrong, but she won't tell me what. And I wouldn't dream of asking Alice, because that's a violation of Shannon's privacy. It used to be the other way. Shannon told stuff to me and not Alice. And I don't know what it is. Does Shannon not think she can trust me? Does she think I'd judge? So now I'm worried about her even though I have no idea what's going on or whether it even needs to be worried about. But this whole not-telling-the-whole-story thing seems to be spreading around. Akshatha is doing it. Nyssa only just clued me in on what's going on in her life. Guys, I want to know! Yes, I'm a nosy busybody, but more importantly I worry really easily about my friends.

I'm so tired lately. I've actually been sleeping a lot more than usual lately. I got almost 6 hours on a school night earlier, and on Sunday I apparently got enough sleep that I was able to wake up NATURALLY at 7:30 a.m. This morning, I somehow woke up at 5:15, even though my alarm was set for 5:30. This is either a sign that I'm not sleeping well at all or that I'm getting plenty of sleep. In either case, I wish I weren't so tired at night. Tonight I slept from 9:00 to 11:55. Right now there's nothing I want more than to go back to sleep, but I can't, because I still have homework. Fuck Mondays. Fuck my sleep schedule. And I've been talking in my sleep as much as, more possibly more, than before. I've asked my friends to wake me up if I start talking, because obviously that can't be quality sleep anyway. But let's face it... it's funny to listen to people talking in their sleep. Even funnier if they have an entire conversation with you.

Spring break is stressing me out. I finally figured out what I'm doing. Originally there was a bit of an option of flying out to San Francisco with Akshatha. A lot of things were holding me back, but the biggest one was my overwhelming sense of guilt. My dad said that he's been feeling "neglected," and as much as I don't want to care, I do. At the moment, I don't owe him a whole ton of allegiance on the level of coming home to visit. Don't get me wrong, I love Minnesota, but I'm the one paying for my college. I'm the one who paid for my plane ticket home for Thanksgiving. I'm the one who was absolutely miserable for most of winter break. But it doesn't matter now. A bus ticket has been purchased (for which I'm told I will be reimbursed) so I can make a lovely 18-hour trip from Norman to Burnsville and back. I'll probably spend most of break sleeping anyway. Well... sleeping, and picking up my dad for lunch at work so we can go to Happy Hour at Sonic. Yum.

I'm probably not at my healthiest right now. This is mostly my own fault, just like most of the other things going on. I gave up meat for lent, but I don't have any protein supplement to keep me healthy. I've been eating veggie burgers, trying to take my daily multivitamin. I might look into some protein shakes or something, just to make sure I'm getting the proper intake there. But diet supplements like that are so expensive!

I've got a ton of homework left. I probably shouldn't have written this at all, honestly. I have a test tomorrow morning at 8:15, so I have to catch the 7:55 bus to the Weather Center, which means I have to leave my dorm by 7:40. Potential solution: borrowing Alice's car. I just texted her, so we'll see if I can do that for the morning. That would help a LOT. And it's only a few blocks' drive. A response already... Yeah, no problem. Excellent. I just shaved 20 minutes off before and after my meteorology class by not taking the bus.

Explanation

I think that last entry requires a little bit of explanation. Why on earth would I go on a three-page rant about cheeses? Why would I spend that much on cheese? Well, I'll start from the beginning.

Alice likes Boar's Head ham. It's the only type of ham she had ever eaten before coming to Oklahoma. But it's elite. They don't sell it at Walmart, which is basically the main grocery store in these parts. So one day Alice asked the woman behind the Walmart deli counter if there was anywhere nearby that might have it. The helpful Walmart employee quickly named Forward Foods as the place to go. I remembered having seen it on Main Street while riding deliveries, so one Sunday afternoon, Alice and I took a trip up to Main Street and walked around. We found Forward Foods with relative ease. It turns out that that store and the one next to it (a record shop) are the only two places open on Sundays. Anyway, we go in, and I am AWED by their cheese display. I mean, just look at that! So I go to the counter and read the descriptions on several of them, but there were just too many to read them all. So I tell the person behind the counter that I have no idea what I'm looking for, except that I'm hoping for something on the less expensive end--I am, after all, a college student. He asks me if I've tried the "Prima Donna" and I say no, so he slices off a sample of it for me.

OH MY GOD. Have I mentioned lately how much I love good cheese? I think it was even better because I haven't had real cheese in such a long time. I've been limited to the Walmart selection--and they hardly even stock extra sharp cheddar down here. They have nothing for those of us with more sophisticated cheese tastes. But this Prima Donna was delicious. I ask how much it is... Oh... oh... um... Hmm... That's the trouble with good cheeses. They're really flipping expensive. $16.99/lb... I try a few more cheeses, on the less expensive end, but he started me off with one of the best and I just couldn't bring my mind away from it. I bought 0.42 lb. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how it all began.

A few days later, I was telling Kate about all this. She tried my Prima Donna, loved it, and we decided that we would have to have a cheese party. Thursday, February 12, we walked back up to Main Street and went to Forward Foods. We took pictures on the way (remind me to upload these--it includes a picture of the James Garner statue!) and then when we were inside, we hatched a plan. We would split the costs of buying several really small samples of cheese. $3 samples, to be precies. And 10 of them. Well, we ran a little bit over our intended price range. $41.50 was our final total. Although, in our defense, that included crackers. Yeah, a kind of weak defense, I know. Also in our defense, it was delicious.

And then you have people like Richard, who just can't appreciate a good cheese. He tried a tiny piece of the Prima Donna and spit it out in the trash. I tried to keep him away from the rest of the cheeses after that incident, but one day Kate and I were partying it up in the office and he decided to scoop up a finger full of the bleu. That was dumb. That bleu is the cheese with the physical bite. I tried to warn him.

So that's our cheese adventure. Kate and I have tried all of our cheeses, but I haven't finished writing about them all, obviously. Nonetheless, deliciousness.

And now, a brief summary of everything else going on in my life:

• The Couch center president (who just replaced the previous president over break) is resigning. I intend to apply for his position. I'll probably be running against Eddie. Final decisions will probably be made by Thursday night.
• Shannon is happily moved in. It's working out very well.
• I had my first physics test of the semester yesterday. It went... alright. Could have been better.
• I had my first math test of the semester sometime last week. 47/50. That's a lot better than the first test in the previous semester: 53/100 (class average 37/100). Yeah, I like this teacher a lot better.
• On the same day that I got my math test back, I also got back the first real programming project from my Programming for Non-Majors class. 600/600. Bitchin'.
• I've become nocturnal again. I'm working on adjusting that. Last night I was actually asleep by 1:00. The previous night, I didn't go to sleep until 6:30.
• Big dilemma going on regarding spring break.
  

Cheese

Prima Donna– Renowned for its caramel aftertaste, Primadonna is a mild cow’s milk cheese made in the style of a Holland Gouda but bears a distinctly less sharp, less penetrating flavor. It has an ivory rind with rose blush, a crunchy texture and a sweet, nutty flavor.

• Price: $16.99/lb
• Purchased: About 0.43lb
  
• Had a little trouble finding this "Caramel aftertaste" for a while, but I think I finally did

Cabecou– One of the smallest French cheeses, weighing in at only an ounce per piece, these are flat little discs of French goat cheese (with black peppercorns) wrapped in chestnut leaves soaked in brandy. Try with a white wine from the Loire Valley, or a red Bordeaux. Very tasty and pretty.

• Price: $3 (I already did the math on what this means per pound, and I don't want to talk about it)
  
• Purchased: One piece
• I don't particularly care for the taste of this one. It's a lot like tea, which is just weird. Worth trying, certainly, but I don't think I'd buy it again.
  

Black Mountain– Black Mountain is a combination of matured Welsh Cheddar, white wine, garlic and herbs, It’s balanced even though garlic’s side of the teeter totter’s closer to the ground. Winter nights made warmer with this one.

• Price: $19.99/lb
• Purchased: 0.21 lb
• OM NOM NOM! This cheese is freaking delicious. Sharp, garlicky, amazing.

Bleu D’Auvergne– From the Auvergne region in France & made only since the middle of the 19th century, it is made in the traditional manner from cow’s milk and features blue veining throughout. A moist, sticky rind conceals a soft paste that possesses a grassy, herbaceous, and (with age) spicy, pungent taste.

• Price: $14.99/lb
• Purchased: 0.29 lb
• Pungent is right. Sticky is also true. Most prominent, however, is the bite. Sure, you expect a blue to bit back, but this is physically painful. I'm not even sure how we're going to eat it all. Richard just came by and tried some (without a cracker) and decided it was nasty. Good for him. I think it's delicious.

Comte – French, very similar to Swiss Gruyere but a little more buttery and caramel-y tasting. Fabulous melted, make a Croque Monsier and drink a Cotes du Rhone.

• Price: $13.98/lb
• Purchased: 0.29 lb
• The description of this one is quite accurate. It's a firm cheese with a buttery, caramel-y taste, slightly sweet.

Petite Brebis– Made in the region around the Basque mountains this pure sheep’s milk cheese develops its reddish rind and aromatic taste during the ripening process which takes approximately five months. It has a deeply nutty taste with a firm crumbly texture.

• Price: $20.00/b
• Purchased: 0.12 lb
• Nutty, a little softer than the previous cheese. Very delicious. Not really crumbly. Definitely nutty. Melts in your mouth, with a slight bite in the aftertaste.

Brie Notre Dame -This is a soft cheese with dry rind and velvety white fungus. It belongs to the classic French cheeses and counts five centuries of history. With intense aromas and a fine, sweetish, nutty taste.

• Price: $10.00/lb
• Purchased: 0.25
• Buttery, extremely soft. The rind has a leafy taste. I'm really bad at describing cheeses.

Taleggio- The classic Italian washed-rind, this cheese is soft and velvety with a slightly salty, full flavor. The texture of the cheese is moist-to-oozy with a very pleasant melt-in-your-mouth feel. The combination of the soft texture, pungent aroma, and buttery flavors has proven to be addictive especially when spread on fresh crusty bread.

• Price: $13.99/lb
• Purchased: 0.29 lb
• Very very soft, needs to be spread on something. The rind is less leafy than the Brie. "Pungent Aroma," though, is code for "smells like feet." Nonetheless, it tastes delicious. This is the only thing stopping Kate and me from being connoisseurs: we keep calling it "feet cheese."

Murcia Al Vino – From Murica, Spain, a very agreeable moist goat’s milk cheese that is enhanced by the wine it’s soaked in.

• Price: $17.98/lb
• Purchased: 0.17 lb
• Leafy flavor, a lot like the Cabecou, but different. This one has a distinct wine flavor and it's simply more cheese-tasting.

More next time, including:

• Zamorano
• Grafton Maple-Smoked Cheddar
• An explanation of why I'm talking about cheese.
  

Planning ahead

I don't typically go for the whole "setting goals" thing, because either they don't get accomplished and then you feel like a failure, or they do get done, and then you set the bar too low for yourself. But I'm planning ahead for next year, and I'm excited. My hope for myself (goal, technically) is to be an RSA President next year. I'm still not sure if I'm going for Walker or Couch. Right now it sounds like there's someone else going for Walker, and she lives there so she probably cares more about getting that specific building. I know I won't get Adams (Richard is running again), so Couch is a realistic but still optimistic goal. The unfortunate bit is that I don't really know anyone at Couch. Anyway, that's my plan, my hope, my goal for next year (Well, it will all be decided by the end of March, really). My backup plan, then, is HCSA Secretary. The position comes with a lot of the same benefits and involvement, it's just different.

The way I see it, secretary has less variety. Same total amount of responsibility, but different types. As an RSA president, one must plan events, put in orders, run the events once they've been approved, etc. Secretary... well, I honestly don't know all of the responsibilities involved. I know the secretary is involved in the paperwork for RSA events. Secretary can (but isn't generally required to) take notes at General Council meetings. I assume there's more, but it's certainly more behind-the-scenes, or it was the way this year's secretary did it, anyway.

But for now, I have to just do the work that's already on my plate. I'm getting all my homework done without a problem. Yeah, sometimes there are late nights involved, and sometimes it's at the last minute, but it gets done. Meanwhile at work, I'm having a bit trouble... not blowing up. I have some new co-workers and they just aren't as... companionable as some of the people I've worked with in the past. Janiway (the "J" is pronounced like an "H") is the worst, by far. Everyone else tries to learn things. When the people with more seniority or authority ask them to do something, they do it. Janiway acts like she knows all better than we do. She claims to make fast sandwiches, although we all recognize that's not the case. And when we tried to do some training, she walked away and said "I already know how to do that." The first time I worked with her, I wasn't sure that she was an employee. It was a slow day, but she sat on the benches the whole time and talked on her phone. I'm guilty of occasionally answering my phone when there are no customers in the store, but rarely will I stay on it for more than a few minutes. She was on the phone for literally two hours. Maybe I don't get paid enough not to do that.

Blah, Mondays. In any case, it's time to pay attention in Physics now. After this, a quick bus ride to the Weather Center, a quick lab, and a quick ride back to the dorms (hopefully). And maybe I'll find a chance to sneak in a quick nap, too.

It was mostly sleet.

After 2.5 snow days, I have to say I'm surprised at how NOT well-rested I am. Obviously my own fault, but not much I can do about it now. I didn't get any homework done on my days off and instead put it off 'til Wednesday night. And then I only did what I absolutely had to, knowing I only have one class on Thursdays and could do it afterwards. So, after my Thursday class, I slept until 2. And then I got up and probably did absolutely nothing for a few hours.

Last night I sat in on Alice's office hours. I actually got some homework done, too. Still, only what I absolutely had to. And then I stayed down there and did some more homework after the hours ended. I finally went up to my room around 2 or so, took a shower, and crawled into bed to read my meteorology textbook. I was supposed to have Chapter 1 read by last Thursday and still haven't finished it. Once again, entirely my own fault.

Lots of emotional highs and lows lately, for no apparent reason. May be dorm life. Same thing happened a bit at the beginning of the year; suddenly being surrounded by the estrogen and other hormones of hundreds of teenage sorority girls (they act girlier than everyone else, so I assume their estrogen levels would be higher... or something... yeah, I'm making this all up) messes with my system.

Weird things have been going on at work. Katy is my super-amazing work friend. We chat, we make the harder "Daily Beautification" jobs more bearable for each other. But the other day, when I was checking to see if they even wanted me to come in--I had guessed we would have fewer customers due to the snow on the ground--I was told that our General Manager had resigned. Katy and I suspect he was being blamed for things that weren't entirely his fault. Wednesday Katy and I both worked 11-2. Around noon the regional director came in. Uh-oh. I'm pretty sure Alex's only real job is to make the rest of us miserable. You have to understand: these DBs wouldn't get done at all if people didn't amuse themselves while doing it. I know that if I had to scrub the walls of the entire store with windex and paper towels, I would take hours to do it--I wouldn't get anything else done and I probably wouldn't finish the job before the end of my shift. Katy and I worked togetnher, the job got done, no problems. But Alex made a big deal of splitting us up. Apparently there's some sort of inverse relationship between employee morale and productivity. I could have sworn that was supposed to be the other way around. In any case, the confusing part comes from the fact that our General Manager, Chris, now seems to be back. We have no idea what happened or what is happening. Just that it's confusing.

You can tell I'm from Minnesota because...

All I ever seem to talk about it the weather.

I woke up around 11:30 this morning, thankful for the chance to sleep in an having had no classes. It's fun. No less exciting than when you're a little kid and get a snow day. Except the little kids here in Oklahoma probably didn't get many snow days. Then again, neither did Minnesotan schools. So... yeah, they probably had more snow days than me in their lifetimes. ANYWAY, woke up at 11:30, messed around on the internet for 10 minutes or so, and then decided to look outside and see if the "icy conditions" that had canceled classes were worth all the hype.

I climbed past my stuff on the floor, over to the window, opened the blinds and... "HOLY SHIT." I'm the only one in the room, and actually said that out loud. Instead of tree limbs covered in ice, bending down in a curtsy, the ground, the cars, the parking lot were white! Covered in snow! Actual snow! And a reasonably significant amount, too (remember, it's all relative). There's enough snow on the ground that even though many people seem to have driven through the little parking lot outside my window, the whole thing is still covered in snow (to me anyway, that implies some depth). There's enough snow that people made snow angels out on a lawn across the parking lot. And it's really adorable, watching the officials try to react. I shouldn't laugh; they're trying to keep us safe. But when I see a pickup truck with a trailer carrying one of those little sidewalk plows... that's cute. And when I see another pickup with a plow on the front drive through twice and have apparently no effect (yes, the plow was down), that's cute, too.

Something is still falling from the sky, though I'm not sure what it is. Could be freezing rain, giving us a nice layer of ice on top of the snow, or more snow. Either way, this is exciting. And cute.

Classes canceled

Written before math class today, in a location where the internet didn't work:

When they talk about Spring Semester here, they really mean spring. During the first week of being back, we had a day where the high hit 80 degrees. Meanwhile at home I think it hit 34. I guess the heat wave hit the whole nation. 80, though… It was really beautiful out. I spent my evening lazing around, making any excuse to go outside, into the sun. Of course, when I went out onto the swings with Kate, I brought my textbook to read. Of course, I never cracked it open. So this whole issue raises an important question: How am I going to survive the actual springtime weather, when it’s like this all the time? Impossible.

Today is different, though. High of 28. At home, that sounds like nothing at all, but here that’s really cold. Freezing, technically. And to top it all off, we get freezing drizzle—an “ice storm” as they like to call it in these parts. From my point of view, that’s not so terrible, until I remember that my job includes riding my bike, sometimes miles, to deliver sandwiches.

As a continuation on that...

I didn't have to do any deliveries today. I actually warned my boss before signing up for the schedule that I wouldn't do deliveries if there was ice. So I didn't have to. That made things very easy, and work was good. The best part, though, was finding out that classes were canceled for the rest of the day. I had two classes before work and was supposed to have two after, but all classes after 1:30 were canceled, so instead I'm just sitting around my dorm.

The unfortunate result of this is that the post office is also closed, so I can't pick up the package that my parents sent me late last week. Well, there's no real rush, I guess.

I was hoping to take some pictures of the ice, particularly the way it piled up on my bike seat. A sheet of ice. I'm sure there will be more later (the storm is supposed to continue through tomorrow), so I'll post pictures as soon as possible.

Home, home in my igloo!

I'm finally back in Oklahoma. It's great, almost everything I imagined. But first I should finish telling about things back in MN.

I managed to survive driving with my dad. I think I lasted pretty well before my first on-the-road breakdown. Anyway, survival was about all that mattered. I didn't even care that much if I passed the driver's test--either way, my dad would get off my back, I think. Doesn't matter now, though, because I did pass. Yay! Licensed driver! And then I didn't drive until my very last day in town, because it was freaking cold out and I didn't want to step outside of the house even far enough to get in the car. Saturday, though, I went to Target with April, bought shoes, came back to the house, and then dropped her off at her own home. I daresay I didn't do badly. Of course, it helps that I'm a lot less nervous without my dad. Cute shoes, too, perfect for dancing--silvery and black flats.

We drove all day Sunday, starting around 7 in the morning. Kelly and I were both worried because we each had so much stuff, but it all fit, and the drive was pretty smooth. I drove for about an hour on the Kansas Turnpike, a slightly challenging feat, since her car has a stick shift, which I have never used before. She shifted it for me and just told me when to push the clutch. The highlight from each state:

• Minnesota: Umm... We left. That was nice.
• Iowa: We saw 87 or 88 cars in ditches in the first half of Iowa. The second half didn't have any snow or ice, so there weren't any at all. But right up until our stop in Ankeny, we were averaging one car every 2 miles or so, about 35/hour. And not just cars. Rolled-over trucks, jack-knifed semis, all that fun stuff. We made it safely, though.
• Missouri: a major radio station (can't remember which one) played Mm-Bop (Hansen) and two songs later Disturbia (Rihanna). This isn't odd because of the specific songs, but simply because Mm-Bop is so old, while Disturbia provides evidence that the station intends to play popular music.
• Kansas: Probably the part where I drove. Didn't really do much there.
• Oklahoma: Arrival. Shannon, Richard, Jay, and Hannah all helped me unpack, and I felt very loved. I dumped my stuff and we all hung out for the night.

And now for the bits about actually being back... Classes started this Tuesday, the 20th, same day as President Obama's inauguration. I'm sure I've mentioned it about thirty times already, but I have classes every day at 8:30am. Yeah, it sucks, but it's not quite as bad as I expected. My first class Tuesday was Introduction to Meteorology I. It should be a fun class; I like the professor a lot. Next was my physics discussion. Just took a survey there, so it's hard to say what that will be like. Mostly graded on participation, though, I'm guessing. Then I had a lengthy break in the day and Freshman Engineering Orientation II. That's complicated. As you may have noticed, I never took Engineering Orientation I. Well, I is basically the same format as Orientation to Professional Meteorology--guest lecturers come in every week and tell you about a type of career you can have with a degree in engineering. II is different. Most of them, it seems, are centered around different types of projects. As for the one that fit my schedule... well, I'm not excited. Basically I go to the actual class once per month and then twice per month I'm supposed to go to elementary schools and teach little kids about science. Ew, little kids. Ew, teaching. Ew, finding a way to get to various elementary schools in the Norman area. Richard offered to let me use his car if I need to. Still, ew.

Here's what I'm hoping to do:
I've signed up on an "interest list" for Intermediate Microeconomic Theory, the next class that will hopefully be part of my econ minor. There are no spots available, except in the honors section of the class, which I am not eligible for. There are two full sections which would fit into my schedule so far if I drop the engineering class. I'm 1/1 on the list for one of them, 7/7 on the other. So all I need is for one person to drop the class and I'll have a spot and drop engineering, take Orientation I next semester/year. Certainly it's not optimal: putting off a freshman class until sophomore year is... not standard, anyway. But I'm hoping I'll e alright, since I'm ahead in physics and math.

As for today's schedule: I had Calc right away at 8:30. It wasn't too bad. I actually have a friend in the class, and the professor seems better than last semester's. I had 10 minutes then to cross campus from the far West end to the far East to get to Programming. It's not ideal, but it's the only time the class is offered, so I'll deal. The teacher is pretty strict. I'm sure he's a fine teacher, and I'm still looking forward to the class. His grading standard seems quite reasonable. My one problem with him is his attitude. Basically, it seems like since he knows he's better than us in this one subject, he assumes and acts like he is better than us and knows more than us about all aspects of life. Yes, he has more life experience, but it's important not to be condescending. After that I had work--lots of fun with buddy Katy, who I know work with twice a week, 3 hours per shift, as opposed to one hour a week in fall. After work, Physics. The professor seems cool. He's fun, he has stories to tell, and he has a lot to say, but not so much that it'll be hard to keep up. I hope.

I got my mail today and found out that someone in the universe loves me and someone else in the universe hates me. The "love" part, believe it or not, comes from my bursar bill. Lower than I expected, should be manageable, as long as I don't spend my next two paychecks. The "hate" is from the post office. My last textbook that I ordered finally arrived, which is excellent because I have a reading assignment from that book due tomorrow morning at 8:30. Oh, but the slip was put in my box about 5 minutes before the post office closed and I didn't actually get my mail until 10 minutes later. Post office was closed, doesn't open again 'til 8:30. Hopefully won't be a big deal. I'll probably read the equivalent chapter from the other textbook for that class. Hopefully it will be close enough.

Home again

I realize I haven't posted in a really long time. This is partially related to the fact that I've been with most of the people who read this blog. That defense provided, there's really no excuse for this kind of laziness and it is my intention to immediately fix this issue.

Home has been stressful. That's no shocker. I try not to whine about it to my friends too much. I mean, I really have nothing to complain about. But just being here kind of brings me down. Part of it is my dad. He doesn't try, I swear, but sometimes he's just too much to handle. And, no, I don't want to go driving with him, but I apparently have no other choice.

I haven't seen my friends from these parts as much as I would like to, but I'm hoping to visit a bit more. I still have Nyssa and Briana's Christmas presents to deliver. I still owe Libby and David presents, too, but I actually haven't bought them yet (sorry, guys, if you're reading this). I've only seen Akshatha once, and from what I can tell she'll probably be out of town rather early, too.

Personally, I'd be all for hitting the road as soon as possible. We can move back in at OU January 13, but classes don't start until January 20, so I'm guessing the rest of the Minnesota folks will probably wait a few days. If they're leaving on the 17th or later, I'm may put in the extra $35 to take the Greyhound bus instead of driving. It would be worth it.

Even more generally, though, than being around my dad and not seeing my friends a whole lot, I'm just not really feeling myself the last two days. I suppose I can blame the drugs. My wisdom teeth are out and one of the drugs they gave me was a steroid which may cause moodiness. Still, I think it will help to be back on campus, back with my friends. I want to fix my sleep schedule. I want to sell my old books and buy my new ones. I want to return to work; I have friends there and I need the money. I'm surviving on minimal spending so far over break, but I still have the aforementioned Christmas presents to buy, and a few others for people I know at school.

Hm... it being New Year's Day, I'm sure I'm supposed to mention that. Perhaps I should be marking how far I've come in a year or mention what it is I want to accomplish before next year... Maybe later tonight (goal number one: procrastinate less? ha, like that'll happen.)